Hands Off Charlie Sheen!!!

There are a lot of people who deserve to be strangled these days – a whole lotta people – but Charlie Sheen isn’t one of them. Not circa 2023 Charlie Sheen anyway. After all, this is the Charlie who largely eats and breathes single dad stuff.

So then why is some woman named Electra Schrock kicking in Charlie Sheen’s own door and then attempting to strangle him? Is she mad at the former Two and a Half Man star is concentrating on his own family these days?

Then again, five kids does provide a lot of time for single dad stuff. Okay, so the kids aren’t really still children. There are the daughters Sami, 19, and Lola, 18, Sheen shares with ex-wife Denise Richards, as well as his 38-year-old daughter Cassandra he shares with high school girlfriend, Paula Profit. Mostly though, there are the 14-year-old twins Max and Bob Sheen, which he shares with his ex-wife Brooke Mueller. Sheen says he’s up and at ‘em with his boys each and every day – and we believe him.

It’s “a “very consistent life” he happily told People, and there’s not a drink or a drug in sight.

No fooling. Charlie is lickety-split clean. As in Mr. Clean clean, get it? And he’s been that way for just about six years now. If Charlie has come all this way to achieve all this goodness, the least we could do is give him breathing space.

And we don’t know where you come from lady, but in our world, breathing isn’t helped by strangulation. Not one bit. So please, stop trying to strangle the guy, will ya?

Tiger’s Blood Fueled Charlie

Now strangling the Charlie Sheen of a decade ago might have been another story. In fact, these days he’d probably be the first one in line with a garrote. That’s how much Sheen now hates that period of his life.

If you’ll recall back in 2011 Sheen gave a series of highly publicized interviews where he appeared hyper, unhinged and scattered. He also uttered what would become iconic phrases involving ‘winning’ and ‘tiger blood’. Turns out tiger’s blood wasn’t really something that made a person immune to addiction, (it wass an anabolic steroid), but you get the idea.

At the time Sheen rocked the mullet-like trappings like Dog the Bounty Hunter, literally wrapping himself in hashtags #winning” and #tigerblood. He even performed a series of sold-out one-man shows at Radio City Musical hall with hoards of fans wearing tiger blood T-shirts and screaming ‘winning’ from the audience.

Sheen had pulled off all these stunts after being fired from Two and a Half Men. Seems corporate overlords don’t dig being screamed at over social media, even if it”s by one of their biggest stars. That Sheen was was then reportedly the highest paid sitcom star in Hollywood didn’t hurt matters, as far as virility was concerned. In fact. the firing only compelled Sheen to double-down on the antics, which in turn, left every breathless hashtag ripe to go viral.

Another Matter

There was something else lurking in Charlie’s life then though – he ‘d been diagnosed HIV Positive. And he was in a multi-million dollar bidding war to keep that news out of the newstreams.

So you can’t really blame Charlie from wanting to get high. Getting fired and being diagnosed HIV Positive is enough to drive anyone to drink and or drug. But, Sheen told the Daily Mail, “I was getting loaded and my brain wasn’t working right.”

‘To say it was a tad overwhelming is a radical understatement.’

So what to do? The only way to get off the merry-go-round was to ditch it. First thing though, Sheen had to own what he’d done.

‘There were 55 different ways for me to handle that situation, and I chose number 56,’ he told the Daily Mail. ‘And so, you know, I think the growth for me had to start with absolute ownership of my role in all of it.’ Adding that his behavior was ‘desperately juvenile.’

So six years ago, Sheen flipped the script. And he’s spent that last 26,280 days wiping his side of the street clean.

Who’s Strangling Charlie Sheen?

So who’s this Electra Schrock and why did she try to strangle Charlie Sheen? JLR Investigates she had a little-used Facebook page that’s since been taken down and an Instagram account marked Private. And while we’re all about quotes, the quote which sits atop her IG page means nothing. (“Reverence is the nature of my love.”) In fact, without context it only opens up more questions. Is it a Buddhist response to climate denialism? If so, how and why?

Then again, Electra Schrock’s name itself is a question. Is it a pun on Electro Shock or perhaps even Electro Shlock? If so, which and why? Surely it’s not a name you simply acquire then head off into the wild blue yonder wearing. And what would a person named Electra Schrock wear anyway? It seems to us to go with something involving a mask and a cape.

Was she wearing the mask and cape when she kicked her way into Charlie Sheen’s home the other day? Did either come off while she was attempting to strangle him? And what’s with the kicking? Was that to subdue Charlie before she pulled the big strangulation move? And why didn’t she finish what you started? Seems a respectable strangler would finish what they started, no?

Well, we’re for one happy this crazed Electra Schrock person didn’t finish what she started. Why? Because we’re super stoked for the six-year-sober Charlie and were super-excited to see his upcoming Act 3. We’re also flipped to see how he handles himself without a drink or a drug – and without any tiger’s blood!

Som Electra Schrock or whatever your name is, lay off Charlie Sheen! He deserves his resurrection, and we’re down to see that he gets it. Got that? Good.